Friday Five: 5 Lessons from the Book Love Handles

Recently, I started attending Bo Sanchez’s THE MAKATI FEAST (either Wednesdays or Thursdays). I was encouraged by my good friend, Joyce, and her officemates, who all are regular attendees. Needless to say, one night changed my life enough for me to thirst for God’s message more, even though I already have weekly Bible study sessions with ate Janice.

On my first night, Joyce’s friend Cess, lent me a book entitled Love Handles (Get a Grip on Finding and Dating Your Lifetime Love) by Rissa Singson-Kawpeng. I smiled at the title and wondered why I needed to read this. They say nothing’s an accident so the next night, which was a “free” night for me, I started to read. I finished the book in 3 days! It is so simple and easy to read, and is very, very honest. (Thank you, thank you Cess!)  Still healing from a broken heart, I am glad that everything I came to realize was being reconfirmed by this book. Maybe I am on the right track! 🙂

So for my first FRIDAY FIVE Series (naks!), I am sharing with you 5 lessons I learned from this book, with the hope that it nourishes your heart as well.

1. There is a purpose when God tells you to wait.

I’ve always been impatient. I like getting things done right away, and sometimes, when I feel that there is something that I can do, I won’t even wait for someone else to do it. I’d just go for it. So imagine my frustration when God’s voice tells me as I pray that I should wait, and there is nothing that I can do about it at the moment.

I read somewhere that God answers our prayers in 3 ways: He says YES and gives you something good, He says NO and gives you something better, and He says WAIT and gives you the best. This is something I need to remind myself everyday. But more than this, the book taught me that there are things to do while “waiting”: 1) Beautify yourself  (not just physically, more importantly, spiritually), 2) Grow yourself (best learning experiences happen when you’re really focused and open), and 3) Enjoy yourself  (this is something I am getting to appreciate now. Falling in love with myself in a non-narcissistic way).

I would also love to quote this from Mandy Hale: “Some steps need to be taken alone. It’s the only way to really figure out where you need to go and who you need to be.”

2. You are perfect, beautiful, and you can be whole.

If you’re like me who’s been in a few great relationships that ended, I guess it’s natural to ask yourself “What’s wrong with me?”

A strong line in the book caught my attention: Find your wholeness in God. Believe me, you’ll need it as a married woman.

Just when I thought I have “matured” enough with everything that I have gone through in life, it struck me: maybe I am not yet complete as a woman. And yes, it’s true, a woman would need this sense of wholeness before she shares her life with a partner!

I think it’s normal to feel insecure. It’s practically human nature to feel that! But one of the things I am (still) learning now is to always see myself the way God sees me. I may be flawed, I may not look like my idol, or not as successful or smart as the person next to me. But God’s given me everything that I need, and maybe so much more, if only I learn how to focus on what I have than what I don’t. Lately I have really been trying to strengthen my relationship with God, and in the process I am also learning to appreciate myself more— and I hope that one day, I will be able to really say that I am whole and complete.

3. There are things you need to throw out in order to have a happy relationship.

I love how the Rissa was able to narrow this down to just four (4), which I am sure everyone (especially me) is guilty of at one point in our lives:

–          The Know-it-All Attitude;

–          The Poor Me Attitude;

–          The My Way or Highway Attitude;

–          The I, Me, and Mine Attitude

I don’t think there’s any need to explain this. We should just look at ourselves and our relationships to see if we have any of these, so we’ll know what to do in the future.

4. Never, ever, ever compare!

Another great quote from the book: Never compare your partner with someone else. And if you must, then focus on his good qualities that the others don’t have.

5. Always trust in God’s promises and His timing.

If there is one thing I have proven over the years, it is this: God is the only one who is faithful to us. People, no matter how dependable or responsible or reliable we think they are, will fail us. But God won’t.

Now before I am passed to be bitter or cynical, I just want to say that it’s true: When a person promises to be there for you forever, or to love and cherish you until the end of time, it may be true. Maybe at that moment, that person really means those words. But we don’t know what the future holds, and when they said that nothing in this world is constant but change, it is true. We shouldn’t take it against the person if he/she is unable to fulfill the promise under different conditions. Even the person who loves you most in the world can fail you. But God won’t. God alone doesn’t change. What He said thousands of years ago remains the same, and is being proven time and time again.

I guess my point is, God is faithful and He will remain faithful in fulfilling our dreams. So even if we think that the rest of the world is not on our side, there remains a bright ray of hope that IN HIS IMPECCABLE TIMING, OUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE.

 

I highly recommend this book to all singles (or in a relationship) who are growing impatient, especially those who are at the brink of settling. Call me a hopeless romantic but these things make me keep my hopeful heart, especially in looking forward to how God will unfold the beautiful love story He has written for me (and my husband to be) 🙂